I bet Jack
by GoldenGirl
Summary: Kate and Sawyer and others have fun at Jack's expense cuz it's fun and they're bored.
1. Chapter 1

Title: I bet Jack...

Author: GoldenGirl

Spoilers: none

Pairing: vaguely skate

Disclaimer: I dont own lost.

Summery: Kate and Sawyer have fun at Jack's expense because it's fun and they're bored :D

It was close to noon according to the watch by his bedside and Sawyer finally decided to face the day. Usually, he'd only gotten up at the crack of dawn like the rest if there was stuff going on. But lately, getting up that early meant sitting on your ass for hours waiting for the sun to go down again. He chuckled to himself when he saw Kate was doing just that.

She was sitting lotus-style on the sand, facing the ocean, not too far from his tent. For Sawyer this was just another example of her repressed yet irrefutable love for him. She could've chosen to sit anywhere on the beach yet, remarkably, she had chosen this spot. A mere coincidence or an indiscreet gesture on Kate's part? Sawyer knew the answer all too well.

"Alright, I'm here," he said, announcing his presence a few paces behind her.

Kate turned at the sound of the familiar southern drawl and furrowed her brow. "Did you want me to alert the media?"

Sawyer smiled, touched by her snarkiness. He was fully aware that it was just another way to let him know she was totally into him.

"I know why you're sitting here," he stated. She looked at him blankly. "So close to my tent," he continued, more slowly, connecting the dots for her. "It's because you were waiting for me to wake up."

"And why would I do that?"

Now it was Sawyer's turn to stare at her blankly. "Because of your repressed yet irrefutable love for me."

Kate couldn't help but laugh. "Oh yeah," she answered, somewhat sardonically. "That."

Satisfied, Sawyer tugged at his jeans and sat beside her. He could've sat there all day, perfectly content with just watching the expressions on her face as she looked out onto the ocean. She looked so deep in thought whenever she watched the waves and he always wondered what it was she thought about. He knew she was thinking of him, naturally, but in what scenario? He couldn't help but fall deep in thought himself. Was she thinking about sex with him? Probably. Was it hot jungle monkey sex or was it passionate love-making on the beach under the stars? Was she on top or was he? Or were they standing up? If she was anything like him, she'd be thinking the latter.

"Sawyer?"

"Definitely jungle sex," he blurted out.

"What!"

Sawyer was shaken out of his trans by the high pitched tone of her voice. "Yeah?" he asked, a bit peeved to have his daydream cut so short.

"You just said 'jungle sex'"

Sawyer was still, much like a deer caught in headlights would be. "I did?"

"Yeah."

There was a long silence between them with only the sound of crashing waves at irregular intervals.

"You probably just heard me wrong, sweetcheeks," Sawyer finally said. "You've got a dirty mind." He probably could've avoided this whole thing if he'd blurted out 'love-making on the beach under the stars,' instead, he thought.

"Shouldn't you be off somewhere looking cute picking fruit or fighting monsters?"

Kate's head sprung up in his direction, unsure if she heard him right. "What are you saying?" she asked, seriously. "Are you implying I'm not looking cute just sitting here?"

Sawyer's smile broadened. He loved it when she got defensive. "Is it the shirt?" she asked, getting agitated. She looked down at her faded orange shirt with newfound disgust. "It's the shirt isn't? No wonder Sayid didn't offer to carry my fruits like he normally does. I knew I should've worn the green one."

"Calm down, Freckles," Sawyer said, before she started beating herself up too much. "You look cute! But if you ask me you'd look better without a shirt at all."

Kate considered, but then shot the suggestion down. "Nice try."

"Still havent told me why you're here. So I'm just going to assume it's cuz you want me."

"I'm here becasue I'm bored, Sawyer. Everyone on this island is."

Sawyer knew this was true.

"I mean have you seen Jack?" She looked behind her in the other direction where Jack was talking to some fellow islanders. "He hasn't saved anyone in days." She returned her gaze to Sawyer, fixing her eyes on his. "If he doesn't save anyone soon...we could all be in a lot of trouble."

Sawyer knew this was also true.

They proceeded to watch Jack for a while. He was now sitting on rock, peculiarly staring up at a palm tree with what seemed to be a very worried expression of his face.

"What do you think it is?" Kate asked Sawyer, her eyes still fixed intently on Jack. "He's really staring at that thing." Sawyer shrugged, but couldn't pretend he wasn't just as interested to find out. As if on cue, Jack lunged forward, tackling the woman standing under the tree as a single coconut fell from it, hitting Jack on the back.

"Well," Sawyer began. "Guess we don't have to worry about Jack and his rescue-drought anymore."

Jack helped the lady up and padded the sand out of her clothes.

"Are you ok?" he asked.

"Yeah," she said, a little flustered. "I think I hit my head when you knocked me over, though."

"Better than a coconut to the head, trust me."

"Um, I guess," she answered. "Thanks?"

"Of course," Jack said, nodding. "Saving a life is just innate for me, you know? Like a sixth sense." The woman smiled and nodded, slightly confused. Jack went on, "Plus, I know you would've done the same for me."

"Sure?" she guessed.

"Even though it's hard being one, there's a hero in all of us." He placed his hand on her shoulder tenderly and looked her in the eye. "Even you."

"Right," she said. "I gotta...go." Her lips twitched in a crooked smile before she left him and the malicious coconut alone by the tree.

Jacks placed his hands on his hips and arched his back so that his chest prominently stood out. He loved the feeling he got when he saved someone's life. It was as if a huge burden to do good in the world rested on his shoulders and at the same time, saving someone always made him feel like a bit of the weight was lifted. A complex dichotomy- the likes of which only superheros knew of. He wouldn't go so far as to call himself a superhero...oh hell, who was he kidding? Yes he would!

And he loved every minute of it.

He looked around the beach to see if anyone else needed saving and noticed that Kate was watching him. Sure she was sitting with Sawyer- a sight that always pissed Jack off- but she was staring at Ihim/I. Yes, this was turning out to be a good day after all.

He grabbed the fallen coconut and started heading her way.

"Here comes the hero," Sawyer murmured, placing his hands behind his head and laying back.

"Be nice," Kate said, turning to face him again. "Jack has done a lot for us."

"Maybe. But he's obsessed with the hero work, Sugar. Anyone can see that."

"He's not Iobsessed/I. Just...concerned."

"Girl, you could walk up to him wearin' nothin' but a tea leaf and he'd find a way to go on about the dangers of this damn island."

For the second time that day, Kate found herself questioning her appearance.

"Are you saying that I'm so hideous to look at that even if I stood naked in front of Jack he wouldn't notice!"

Sawyer grunted and gritted his teeth. "No!" he yelled, sitting back up. "Alls I'm sayin' is Jack's a turd!"

Kate looked at him skeptically, bet let it pass.

"He's coming over here," Sawyer said. "You try to come on to him and I bet you the first full sentence out of his mouth will have to do with either being a hero or all the goddamn work that needs to be done around here."

"Come on, Sawyer. That's ridiculous."

"Bet me then! If you win I'll do whatever you want."

Kate grinned mischievously. "Anything?"

"Anything." Sawyer wasn't worried. There was no way he would lose. "But if I win, you need to give me a back rub."

"A back rub?"

"Yep!"

"But," before Kate could protest any further, she felt Jack's shadow cast over her.

"Hey, he said.

Kate turned around. "Hey Jack." It was time to showcase her life's work; getting men to fawn over her by batting her bewitching eyelashes.

"I see you got a coconut there," she began, coyly. Jack simply nodded. "You know, some cultures believe coconuts are aphrodisiacs." Of course Kate knew this was total bullshit but that wasn't the point. "Maybe you can bring some over to my tent later tonight and we can–"

"Coconuts are hazardous," Jack interrupted her.

"Huh?" was all she managed to say. Did he not hear the 'come-over-to-my-tent part?

"I don't know if you noticed but this almost fell on someone a little while ago." He held up the coconut for Kate to inspected. She just stared at it and him dumbfoundedly. Was she not batting her eyelashes enough? She tried again. "Don't worry," Jack continued. "I saved her life. Got her out of the way. Anyway, the beach is littered with these tree bullets."

"Tree bullets?" Sawyer chimed in.

"I was referring to the coconuts, Sawyer. There aren't Ireally/I bullets that come out of trees." He rolled his eyes slightly, looking at Kate and cocking his head in Sawyer's direction with an expression on his face that could only be read as 'get a hold of this guy.'"

"So, my point is," he went on, "I think I'm gonna get a search party going. Have them look for all the coconuts on trees and even the detached ones and get rid of them."

"Get rid of them?" Sawyer asked. "Even the detached ones?"

"Yeah," Jack replied, bothered to even be conversing with Sawyer. "Isn't that what I just said?"

"Yeah Jackass, but the detached ones are already off the trees. There's no chance that they'll fall on anyone. Unless you expect gravity to go changin' its mind on us."

Jack's nostrils flared and his jaw clenched. This was why he hated talking to Sawyer. He always ended up having to explain things twice.

"If someone were to pick these up and throw them at someone else with the right amount of force do you know what could happen?"

Now it was Sawyer's turn to roll his eyes.

"You could die," Jack finished, dramatically.

"Gonna gather up all the rocks and get rid of 'em too, doc?"

Jack seemed stumped. He decided to ignore Sawyer and face Kate again who was oddly quiet this whole time.

"So you wanna come along?" he asked. "With the search party? I think I can round up a few people by the end of the hour. Everyone pretty much listens to everything I say around here" He chuckled.

"Uh. Ok." she answered.

"Great, see you then."

Jack left just as Sawyer began to laugh heartily. Kate still sat bewildered by what had just happened.

Sawyer's laughing got so animated that it lay him all the way down till he was rolling in the sand.

"Better start on that back rub before you start searching for tree bullets!"


	2. Chapter 2: Jennifer Beals

Thanks for the reviews!

Kate kneaded the skin on Sawyer's back, taking out all of the day's aggressions on his massage. She had just finished a 3 hour trek along the beach collecting coconuts with Jack and Charlie- the only other islander who wanted to get rid of all the tree bullets ("A danger for Turniphead!", he'd declared). And now she was obligated to give Sawyer a massage all because she lost a stupid bet. She was determined to make him pay. She slapped his back till his skin turned red, pummeled him till he bruised and even kicked him in the ribs a couple of times but he seemed to really enjoy it all. At least that's what she figured the overzealous moaning was all about.

"Giiiirl," he moaned, overzealously. "This is the best damn back rub I have ever gotten in my life."

"What am I doing wrong?"

"Where did you learn how to do this?" He asked, not hearing what she had just muttered under her breath.

Kate kicked off her shoes and stood up, wiping the sand from her pant legs. She took a few steps back and then, after a short pause, ran to make a stick landing on his back. Sawyer subsequently cried in pain... or was it ecstacy?

"What did I do to deserve this?" he moaned.

Kate smiled as she heard the agony in his voice. "Am I being a bit too rough?" she asked.

"What did I do to deserve the glory of your touch!" Sawyer bellowed from deep within his gut.

"What?" Kate asked confused. She had no idea what she was doing- never having given anybody a message in her life. She was certain all of these moves would have warranted him to shoo her away for the next couple of days, or at least break one of his bones. But as she peered down to see if he was really enjoy this or just fronting, she couldn't mistake the broad grin plastered on his face. Even his teeth were clenched as he did it.

"How did you learn to do this!" He asked, the gleam in his eye brightening with every indent her feet left on his back.

Kate shrugged. "I moved to Japan when I was 14 and studied with Mao Ting Ping. The best geisha in all of Asia."

"What the hell were you doing in Japan?"

"My dad owned a sushi shop there."

Sawyer lifted his head slightly off the sand in an attempt to look at her. Didn't Jack once say her Daddy was in the army?

"Hey, didn't Jack once say your Daddy was in the army?"

She stopped dancing on his back for a minute. "He did?"

Sawyer nodded. "Said he was stationed in Washington State."

Kate shrugged it off and resumed her massage by firmly stepping on the back of his neck. "Jack's a liar."

Sawyer dug his face out the sand once again in time to see Charlie frantically running towards them. Damn that boy, always frantically running somewhere. Sawyer hated him for ruining such and intimate moment between him and Kate. He screamed in pain/ecstacy as she dug her heel into his spine.

"Kate!" Charlie began, as he finally reached them.

Finally stepping off Sawyer, she placed her hand on Charlie's shoulder and bent down to his height to look him in the eye. "Is everything ok?"

"Yeah, Speedy Gonzales, can't you see me and Jennifer Beals here are busy!"

He felt the need to explain himself when Kate and Charlie looked at him in confusion.

"Jennifer Beals! From Flashdance!" He exclaimed as if it was obvious. "Cuz Kate was dancing on my back..." He trailed off as they continued to stare at him, more lost than before.

He was really losing his touch with the nicknames. Before Sawyer could try to explain further, Charlie turned to Kate again.

"I've got a splinter, Kate!" He began, more scared than any grown man with a splinter ought to be. "From gathering all those coconuts!"

She took a hold of his hand and examined it carefully as Sawyer looked over her shoulder.

"I can't even see anything!" Sawyer shouted, rolling his eyes and cursing himself for not killing Charlie when he had the chance. His back was still aching and he knew only the magic of Kate's touch could alleviate it.

"The tiny ones are the ones that hurt the most!" Charlie whined.

"Yeah, Sawyer," Kate agreed. "Don't you know anything about splinters?"

"Can you just get the damn thing out so we can get back to what we were doin'!" he demanded.

Kate examined it further but then shook her head in defeat. I'm sorry Charlie, it's really deep. I can't get it out."

"But it hurts!" Charlie exclaimed, on the verge of tears. And then in all seriousness added, "I need to protect Claire's baby! I can't do it with a splinter in my thumb!"

Kate nodded. "I know. You're probably better off going to Sayid. He was a soldier. He'd know what to do." She could've just as easily said 'Go to Jack, he's a doctor,' but...she didn't think of it at the time. Anyway, Charlie thought it was a 'bloody brilliant' idea.

He left and Sawyer and Kate were alone once again.

Sawyer fell to his knees, ready to lay on his stomach for the remainder of the massage, but as much as Kate wanted to step all over him, she wasn't about to put in any extra effort into giving him any sort of sick pleasure. She had already lost enough of her dignity. She needed to get it back and the only way she knew that would be guaranteed was by winning another bet.

"What's on your mind, Chiquita?" Sawyer asked when she wouldnt say anything.

"Lets make another bet."

He smiled that cocky smile of his and weighed the possibilities in his head. If he won another bet he could ask for something a lot better than a back rub. That's right. A foot massage! He was definitely all for another bet.

"Alright. What'd you have in mind?"

She knew losing the original bet was a fluke since she knew Jack a lot better than Sawyer ever could. "I think Jack's a good subject. Lets make another bet on him."

Somewhat surprised by her desire to have some fun at Jack's expense, he accepted for that very reason.

"So you wanna bet on what Captain America decides to do next?"

"Yeah."

"Alright," Sawyer said, standing up. "Deal."

TBC.


	3. Chapter 3: FISH!

Jin stood at the edge of the shore and inhaled deeply. He really enjoyed the smell of the ocean and how the water lightly sprayed him like a cool mist. It was here, fishing on the beach, where he found his escape. Escape from the deafening monotonous voices he didn't understand. When he fished he didn't have to try to comprehend the obese madman who tried to molest him chanting the words "pee on foot." He didn't have to deal with the annoying short Englishman who was trying to learn how to play the guitar. Or face the tall blonde man- a professional male stripper, probably- who liked to dispose of his shirt at the most inconsequential times. Or Kate, the island whore.

But the best part of Jin's daily fishing routine was being away from the man they called Jack. He knew to avoid him at all costs. Jack was the man with all the guns and the one that ordered the blonde stripper to be tortured in the jungle. Yes, Jin knew it was in his best interest to stay away from Jack, surely an organized crime boss back in America.

He began reeling in his string which he was happy to find was weighted down with a new catch. He took another step, the water barely reaching his ankles, when two arms suddenly wrapped themselves around his midsection, a shoulder jabbed itself in his ribs and he was forcefully knocked down onto the hard wet sand.

With the next breath he took Jin choked on the ocean mist he once enjoyed. He began screaming at the man who had knocked him down, Jack, who had by now grabbed hold of his arms and started pulling him along the sand, away from the water.

"You're going to have to stop screaming, Jin. I don't speak Chinese!"

"Dude, he's Korean," Hurley said, bounding down to where they were.

By now Hurley and some other islanders, including Sawyer and Kate, had come to see the spectacle.

Jack dropped Jin's arms and tried to catch his breath. "Hurley," that is the most ignorant thing I have ever heard you say. And that's saying something."

Hurley looked hurt. "But–"

"Do you know anything about geography?" Jack interrupted, as Kate helped Jin up. "Because I do. It's like someone saying that I'm American and you saying 'but duuuude, he's Canadian."

If Jack didn't have everyone's attention already, he had it now.

"It's all the same, Hurley," he continued. "It's all North America."

"But enough about geography!" he chuckled, stepping over to Jin and patting him on the back. "Somebody get this man some water. I just saved him from drowning."

As if understanding what Jack had just said, or maybe in an attempt to make sense of the situation, Jin held up the fish he'd caught.

"Fish!" he shouted. It was one of the few words he knew how to say in English. He was hoping that fish translated into 'I-was-fishing,-you-moron-why-did-you-beat-me-up!'

Jack laughed at Jin's enthusiasm and patted his shoulder again. "Is this how they thank people in China?" he asked no one in particular but loud enough so that everyone could hear. "Offer them fish?"

"FISH!" Jin shouted louder.

Jack answered by accepting the fish and bending his head forward in what he believed was the correct way to thank Chinese people.

"Uh, Dr. Zhivago," Sawyer said, unable to remain an observer any longer. "I think he's trying to say he was fishing."

Jack turned to Sawyer as if noticing him for the first time. "Well of course he was fishing," he stated. "That's why he was in the water to begin with."

Lately when Jack and Sawyer spoke to each other it was in the same condescending manner. Each felt the need to dumb down every utterance until it made the other look like the stupidest person on the island. They never noticed, however, that this only resulted in making themselves look stupid in front of everyone else.

Everyone was quiet, waiting for an inevitable snappy comeback from Sawyer, but he was having trouble thinking of one. A nickname would always come in handy at this point, but as he went through all of them in his mind, he realized he had called Jack every damn name in the book. He had to think quick. Something with a 'Doctor' in front of it.

"Yeah...well..." he began. "Dr. Seuss!"

Everyone's bated breath was let out in disappointing unison. Even Jack's laughter seemed to be masking the disillusionment. The crowd started to disburse now that nothing interesting was happening.

"They're both doctors!" Sawyer argued, in an attempt to defend his pride. But no one was paying attention anymore.

"Dr. Seuss is actually an author," Charlie said, coming up from behind. "My favorite author, actually."

"Nobody asked you!" Sawyer spat.

"How's the splinter situation?" Kate asked, turning to see him.

"Great!" He raised his arm for Kate to see. "Sayid gt rid of it!"

"Oh my G-d!" Kate screamed, grabbing onto Sawyer and covering her eyes, trying to look away but failing miserably.

She couldn't look away at the bloody, bandaged stump that had become of his thumb.

"Charlie! What happened to your thumb!" she shrieked. She reeeeally hated blood, and it was dangerously close to her outfit.

"Sayid cut it off," Charlie explained, matter-of-factly. "To get rid of the splinter!"

Where Kate was horrified, Sawyer stood dumbfounded. "But he cut off your thumb, Buddy." Sawyer was referencing the idiot from 'Charles in Charge,' but soon realized that 'buddy' was also a term of endearment. He mentally kicked himself when he saw Charlie's beaty eyes light up.

"I told him to do what he'd do if he was out on the battlefield. You know, like a soldier." From the look on their faces, Charlie's explanation did nothing for Kate and Sawyer. "Listen guys, I gotta go take care of Turniphead."

They watched as he skipped down the beach, leaving a trail of blood with every step.

"Can you believe that?" Kate asked, still clingly unwittingly to Sawyer.

"I know," he responded. "He gives the kid a ridiculous nickname and EVERYBODY loves it!"

TBC


	4. Chapter 4: Damsels in Distress

Sawyer and Kate really wanted to get a bet going but it was more difficult than they anticipated. They had arrived too late to the fishing/drowning debacle to make any substantial bets at all, which left them with one option; follow Jack around all day until a new possibility came up.

For a good part of the afternoon, Kate and Sawyer stayed two paces behind Jack at all times as he obliviously carried on with his day. They jumped at every chance to make a bet at his expense, exploiting all the habitual things he did on his off time when he wasn't saving people. Like betting on whether or not he'd stop trying to make orange juice after inadvertently squeezing 8 oranges onto his pants and none in his cup. (Kate won, betting he'd give up before 10).

As he washed out his pants they bet on how many times he said Kate's name while singing an original song seemingly entitled, "And that's why Kate's so sex-ay." (The name was mentioned 136 times. Sawyer won betting the closest number, 57)

They bet on how long it would take him to pick the wedgie in his tighty-whities. (An uncomfortable 28 minutes. Sawyer won again, guessing exactly that).

They decided to finally stop following Jack around when they noticed he'd dug into his medicine bag and retrieved a tattered copy of Damsels in Distress and a half-empty bottle of Astroglide.

They were more than happy to let him wander off into the jungle to do whatever it was he had to do without them.

Unfortunately, in all their betting, they forgot to make terms and Kate wasn't going to settle for that. She needed Sawyer to lose so that she could making him do something embarrassing and in that way, reclaim her dignity.

"We need him to save somebody," Kate announced, back at the beach. "It's obviously the only thing he's good at."

"So I take it you didn't like the song he wrote for you?" Sawyer asked, smirking.

"God no!" she answered quickly. "We need someone to pretend they're in danger."

Sawyer looked at her questioningly, trying to figure out her motives. "So what's the bet? Jack'll save someone whether they need saving or not. He saved Shannon from a sunburn!"

"I know that," she responded. "But what if we make it really easy to turn down?"

Sawyer's interest was peaked.

Sawyer ran through the jungle, feigning the frantic urgency needed to make the ploy believable. He was desperately looking for Jack yet a little worried with the state he'd likely find him in. His worry was well founded when he saw Jack, his back facing him, sitting on log with his hands in his lap and his pants curiously MIA.

As Sawyer got closer he could hear him muttering something louder and louder until it was unmistakable.

"Hold on, baby!" Jack said in a high pitched groan. "I'll save you!"

Horrified, Sawyer decided to make himself known. "Jackoff?"

Jack sprang his head back and quickly reached for his pants. "Sawyer! How long were you standing there!"

"Too long," he muttered, lost in thought.

"Well what the hell are you doing here!"

Sawyer suddenly remembered he had caught Jack in the act for a reason

"You gotta come quick!"

Jack recognized the tone in his voice. Someone needed saving. Nothing else mattered in that moment.

"It's Hurley," Sawyer continued. "He's stuck up in a tree."

Jack tried to get as much information about what had happened with Hurley on the way, but Sawyer only told him the most basic details. Hurley climbed up a tree, got pretty high, and couldn't get down. It wasn't all a lie, but he had conveniently skipped the fact that this was all part of a bet between him and Kate to see whether or not Jack would act as a safety net for a fat man who shouldn't have been in a tree to begin with. He left out the part about Kate betting that he would save him and he betting that there was no way in hell he would..

By the time they finally got to the tree, a crowd had gathered at it's base. Charlie, Claire and Kate sat nearby sharing a bowl of berries. They shushed each other as soon as Jack arrived on the scene, much like the way a crowd would in a theater right as the movie is about to start.

Jack was grateful for the audience. He walked up to the tree and examined it, his knuckles lightly rapping at its bark.

"You alright up there, Hurley?" he called out, looking up.

"Yeah!" Hurley yelled back. "Just get me down."

Jack continued looking, his eyes growing more curious as he realized just how high Hurley was and...

"Hurley... why are you naked?"

Everyone was quiet for a long moment until Hurley's voice finally broke the silence. "It got...hot."

Jack stopped trying to figure out what the hell was going on at that point. All that was important now was saving Hurley. He turned to the crowd and coughed confidently, squinting- like he always did- to seem smarter. "I'm going to need 4 or 5 guys to help me get him down. Any volunteers?"

The crowd took a collective step back. Some of them whistled.

"Come guys," Jack continued. "It'd be impossible to save him if I do it alone."

Sawyer grinned. So it seemed like Jack wasn't going to save the bastard after all. He couldn't wait for Kate to play out her punishment. Kate, of course, noticed his cocky attitude the moment it flared up. She quickly left her place at the log and went to Jack.

"Jack, if you don't save Hurley...he could die."

Jack inhaled deeply, trying to fight the conflict within. "I don't know if I can, Kate."

"Of course you can," she said, feeling the ball roll into her court. "I believe in you."

She looked jack in the eye and to seal the deal whispered in her most seductive voice, "You're really sexy when you save people."

Without a moments notice, Jack started scaling up the tree trunk, on his way to complete an impossible task. Kate rejoined Claire and Charlie at the log, shooting Sawyer a vindictive smile as she passed him. He could not believe this!

"Duuuude!" Hurley called down. "I'm slipping!"

Jack looked up, not too far from the ground. He noticed Hurley sitting on a branch, kicking his feet as if in boredom. "You're not even holding on!"

Ignoring him, Hurley went on, "Uh oh," he said in monotone. "I'm falling."

Jack stopped where he was. Hurley didn't seem to be faling. In fact, he looked pretty comfortable up there. He wasn't moving at all.

"Look down below!" he finally shouted in glee. Hurley spread his arms and hopped off the branch, making a swan dive with a very direct target. Jack looked on as his view was rapidly capped by a large fleshy mass.


	5. Chapter 5: Pinocchio

Jack adjusted the sling around his arm and absentmindedly patted down the area of his head that was covered with gauze. He stood on a makeshift stage he had created- which was really just a small crate- and looked out at the crowd before him. He cleared his throat.

"First and foremost, I want to thank you all for coming."

"You brought us here!" A voice shouted from his unwillingly captive audience.

Yes, Jack had personally gathered all 41 survivors to hear his impending speech, but he had hoped they'd all forgotten that fact. Apparently not.

"This'll only take a minute," he went on. "Now, I'm sure you all know why you're here."

"You mind telling us?" Another anonymous voice yelled.

"Well, because of what happened today," Jack answered, simply. "With me and Hurley. I had to save his life and he fell on me. You're all probably a little worried about my well-being."

"How's Hurley?" Someone in the crowd asked.

"I'm fine," Jack went on. "Being that Hurley fell asleep while still on top of me, it took about an hour to get him off. It probably would've been less, but nobody stayed behind to help. Some even ran off laughing." He paused and scrutinized one particular person in the crowd. "Yes, I'm talking to you, Sawyer."

"In any event," Jack continued. "I'm fine...or a I will be. I've only got a few scrapes and bruises. And a concussion. And I can't see out of my right eye, but I'm sure–"

"Can we go now?" Someone else called out.

Jack opened his mouth to speak again but he was pushed off the crate by Sayid, who took his place on the small "stage."

"A lot of you have been worried about Charlie's thumb," he began. His few words managed to garner everyone's full attention immediately.

"Since we have no hope of getting off this island, I took all of the electronic devices that would otherwise have helped us and put them to use for a new thumb for Charlie. And yes, it is posable."

With his strongly-accented English, Sayid proceeded to show the crowd Charlie's new thumb. Everyone was deeply immersed in everything he said, and even a few sporadic "ooos" and "ahhhhs" could be heard.

Sawyer and Kate, however, were more interested in their bet. Or at least Kate was. She was eager to see Sawyer carry out his punishment. He looked like he was trying to avoid her at all costs, but she wouldn't let him out of her sight.

"I think now's as good a time as any," she whispered to him so as not to disrupt Sayid's speech.

Sawyer scowled and looked in Jack's direction briefly. He had retreated to the sidelines and was now watching Sayid speak from afar, careful not to stand under any trees.

"Well?" Kate asked, expectantly.

Although it was the last thing he wanted to do, Sawyer just wanted to get the whole thing over with. Kate was right- it was as good a time as any, since the crowd was so engrossed in Sayid's demonstration and no one would see him.

"Let's make this quick," he muttered.

Kate and Sawyer backed away from the crowd just as Shannon shoved Sayid out of the way and took his place. With a blood-curdling scream that was full of brattiness and self-importance she yelled, "Goddamn it, I'm Shannon Rutherford!" She took a moment to compose herself and then just as quickly as she'd taken the stage, she left it.

"You got a second, doc?" Sawyer asked as he approached Jack, his head bent low in shame.

Jack eyed him and Kate, who was at his side, suspiciously. "What is it?"

Sawyer sighed deeply, remembering the bet and how stupid he was for accepting them terms. "It's just that," he began, mustering the courage to look Jack in th eye. "I think it's really great that you saved Hurley."

Jack's suspicion was immediately heightened as soon as those words left Sawyer's lips. But then his overwhelming pride kicked in and he it made him forget that it was completely out of character for Sawyer to say any of that.

"You really think so, huh?" Jack beamed. Sawyer simply nodded, reluctantly. "Me too," Jack went on.

Sawyer wished this whole thing was over, but sadly, he knew it wasn't. And with Kate standing so close it made it even more difficult.

"When you saved him it made me realize that–"

He was cut off by Kate's overt coughing. He turned to see her and she tilted her head, obviously motioning for him to use his hand, like they'd discussed.

Sawyer's attitude worsened and he suddenly looked like he had a bad taste in his mouth. He very carefully took a step forward and reached for Jack's hand, holding it limply. Jack, surprisingly didn't pull back. He was apparently so stunned by the maneuver that he wanted to see the reasoning behind it.

Sawyer swallowed hard. "When you saved him it made me realize that...I...love you."

The words sounded so strange that it stunned the three of them to hear Sawyer say that. Sawyer dropped his hand quickly and turned around. He put his hand to his eyes in an attempt to hide how glassy they'd become because of the utter turmoil he was feeling inside. He turned to look at Kate who stayed silent but was obviously enjoying this way too much. Her lips were pressed together so tightly in an effort to keep her laughter from spilling out but her arched eyes betrayed her.

"You happy now?" Sawyer asked in a menacing tone that was enough to push Kate over the edge. She brought her hand to her mouth but it wasn't enough to keep her laughter sustained.

She couldn't catch her breath fast enough buts he still managed to mouth the word "yes," though it came out as more giggles.

Jack was confused but more than that, he was horrified. He knew he had a lot of admirers on the island but he never guessed one of them to be Sawyer. Mistaking the tears in his eyes for tears of love, Jack coughed to get both Kate and Sawyer's attention.

"Sawyer," he exclaimed, slowly. "I'm...shocked. And flattered."

Sawyer rolled his eyes, which had begun to clear up by now. His torment was nearly wiped away by the anger he felt at Kate's laughter.

"Really, I am," Jack continued. Sawyer was a good looking guy but he had to set things straight. "But if you love me because I saved Hurley's life, then you ought to know that I didn't save him."

Sawyer's ears perked up and Jack could visibly see the surprise on his face, though he mistook it for something else. "I know, I'd be the last person to admit I didn't save someone, but I assure you, I didn't. I just happened to break his fall."

Kate, who's overzealous laughter had caused her to double over and fall to her knees, suddenly stopped. She stood up, wiping the tears from her face and looked at Sawyer seriously. He looked as if he'd heard the best news of his life.

"You hear that, Freckles? Doctor Who here admits he didn't save the fat bastard after all!"

This was very good news for him. The bet was that if he lost- if Jack did indeed save Hurley's life- he'd have to take his hand, look him in the eye and tell him he loved him. If Kate lost, and Jack ididn't/I save him, Kate had to do the same thing to Sawyer, all in front of Jack.

"I heard," Kate grumbled through a clenched jaw. She had lost. Yet again. And now she had to pay the consequences. She walked over and grudgingly took Sawyer's hand in her own. Sawyer smiled and turned to look at Jack. "Listen to this," he said, before turning back to face Kate.

She inhaled deeply and looked him in the eye, almost taken aback by how intently he looked back.

"Sawyer," she began, her eyes unwavering. "You're the hottest guy on this island." The words were scripted, curtesy of Sawyer himself, yet he still looked pleasantly surprised hearing them. Especially since Kate was saying them so seriously.

"Much hotter than Jack," she went on. Both Sawyer and Kate were too in tuned to themselves to even notice how disheartened Jack had become. "Your dimples make me feel all hot and tingly inside and your nicknames are the most clever nicknames anyone can think of," she paused to take a breath. "And I love you."

Even though Kate had finished with her consequence and was now free to go as she pleased, she remained in front of Sawyer, seemingly mesmerized by his gaze.

"Your nicknames really are hot," Kate whispered, breathlessly.

"Yeah, they are," he replied through a smirk. "C'mere Pinocchio!" He pulled her swiftly into to a passionate kiss, breaking it only to announce to no one in particular, "because she's a pathological liar and I love her for it!" He went back to kissing her and Jack watched as they ravished each other, running their hands up and down their bodies and making wet squishy noises with their mouths.

Jack was stunned by the sudden turn of events and he couldn't just stand by as Sawyer made out with Kate. His Kate.

"Uh, you guys," he began, but it would take a lot more than that to get their attention.

"On the topic of 'I love yous'" he stammered, "Guess what Kate, I love you!"

Nothing.

"I've been in love with you since the moment I saw you!"

Still nothing.

"For the love of G-d!" he shouted. "Will you two stop? I'm standing right here!"

A big bucket-o-nothing. It was time to pull out the big guns.

"SAWYER, I LOVE YOU!"

This abruptly cut the make out session short. In fact, this little outburst had caught everyone on the beach's attention. Jack was a little embarrassed but still delighted that they'd stopped making out. Unfortunately this lasted only several seconds since it didn't take long for Sawyer and Kate to get drawn to each other again.

She hooked her arms around his neck and her legs around his waist and he carried her off without breaking their kiss.

Jack could only stand back and watch, heartbroken, as his love went off with some other guy and the early whispers of his " bourgeoning homosexuality" started to fill the air.

Night befell the beach and all was quiet. The only sound that could be heard on this part of the sandy land was that of Kate's footsteps as she approached Jack. He was standing under a coconut tree, looking out at the dark ocean.

"Hi," she said, timidly. "How's it going?"

Jack looked at her out of the corner of his eye. "Everything's just peachy," he said bitterly. "You ran off with Sawyer right in front of me and the whole island thinks I'm gay."

"Jack," she said sympathetically. "There's nothing wrong with being gay."

"I'm not gay!" he spat back.

An awkward lull fell upon them until Kate spoke again. "Why don't you come join the rest of us by the fire? We're having boar. It's really good."

"I thought you were a vegetarian."

Kate froze. "I am."

"You've got a piece of meat on your chin."

Kate quickly wiped it away with the back of her hand and giggled weakly. "Ha ha. You got me."

Although seeing Kate so nervous and embarrassed usually lifted his spirits cuz it made her look vulnerable, like a damsel in distress, he still felt horrible.

"I'm not going anywhere," Jack said. "Not till this coconut falls on my head."

"Coconut?" Kate asked, looking up into the tree. She was surprised to see a single coconut dangling from it. "I thought we got them all."

"I let this one stay," Jack replied. "Just incase."

Kate looked at him in bewilderment. Jack's theory about coconuts were that they were tree bullets, liable to kill anyone who stood beneath them. She suddenly understood what he was doing there.

"Are you trying to kill yourself?" she asked, shocked.

"Yep," he replied frankly. "And don't try to talk me out of it, either."

Jack waited for her to try and talk him out of it. When she didn't, he continued talking.

"I'm not just gonna sit around and watch you and Sawyer make out."

"You don't have to worry about us."

He looked at her, hopeful. "So you two aren't together?"

"Oh, no, we totally just had sex," she explained. "but I mean, we won't do it in front of you or anything."

"Oh." Was that supposed to make him feel better? Because it didn't. Finally, with now that he didn't have a shred of dignity left, he asked, "Is there anything I can do to win you back?"

"Jack–"

"Let me rephrase that. Is there anything I can do to stop you from having sex with Sawyer?"

"Probably not. Unless he suddenly goes impotent...or you cut off his tongue. You're not going to cut off his tongue, are you?"

She looked at him seriously, half-expecting that he just might cut off Sawyer's tongue. Jack decided not to answer her, half-planning to do just that.

"Jack, come on," she pleaded with him. "Step away from the tree." She tried to sound concerned but knew a coconut wouldn't so much as leave a dent on his forehead. "I know what would make you feel better."

"Sex with you?"

"Well, yeah, but this is almost as good," Kate answered. "Saving a life."

To Jack, that did sound better than sex.

"Does someone need saving?"

"Yep. You."

Her words resonated with him and he suddenly knew what he had to do. Looking up into the tree and seeing the coconut dangle dangerously, he lunged forth and landed face down on the sand. It felt good saving people, but it felt even better saving himself.

He stood up and wiped away the sand on his clothes, feeling that special superhero air about him that he hadn't experienced in a long time.

"I'm ready to go back now," he announced. He was ready to take on the world- and save it.

"Hopefully someone will choke."

"Hopefully," Kate responded.

THE END


End file.
